Two Years of Marriage: Reflections
I’ve been incredibly blessed to have been married for two years to a wonderful, understanding, cute :D, loving, godly woman. Although both of us have a boatload of things to get done over the next few weeks, the most either of us is doing today are things that do not require labor….and in another hour and some change, we’ll be doing nothing other than relaxing.
Over on LDM, one person asked me about what things my wife and I got out of our two years of attending the Weekend to Remember conferences put on by Family Life Today. One of the best things has been to serve my wife by being patient, quick to forgive and understanding. All of these things involve a fundamental biblical truth – putting others before ourselves. In marriage, this is probably the #1 way to keep a marriage together. If you’re thinking about your mate first, you won’t be pressed about what “I” want to do all the time…..from how to spend money to where to spend vacation to even what to wear.
Men, we have a heavier burden according to scripture. Scripture primarily meets us at the area we have the most problems with – listening and understanding. 1 Peter’s command for husbands to dwell with their wives ‘according to knowledge’ or ‘with understanding’ or ‘in an understanding way’ cuts at our tendency to want to ‘fix’ everything and reduce everything down to a simple formula. Some women like routine – some don’t. Takes work to get to know her individually and adjust yourself accordingly. Remember – we are servant-leaders.
There is no command in scripture for wives to dwell with their husbands according to knowledge. 🙂 Women can figure out most of our basic desires pretty quick. Those of you married – haven’t you noticed how your wife is able to pre-think some things that you might forget, have that stuff ready and all set up for you just when YOU are starting to realize “Oh no! I forgot to take care of item X or item Y” ?
Ladies, have you noticed that when you do stuff like that, your husband’s eyes light up and he just begins to gush on how awesomely terrific you are ? There is a command for women to respect their husbands. When you do stuff like this, husbands think “wow. she respects me and appreciates me enough to make up for the areas I fall behind in. I’d stop a bus for this woman.”
There’s a bunch of scientific data out on how women are wired for this level of attention to detail already , but science is simply finding out what the Bible has already taught on the issue.
Another great thing I took away from these sessions is the need for consistent, regular time in the scriptures together. I admit freely – I’ve been lousy at this as of late. But I’m going to get ‘us’ back into it soon. Remember Ephesians 5 – the husband who loves his wife washes her and cleanses her with the Word. Men reading this – your leading of your wife in and through scripture is part of the means of her sanctification (as well as yours). And you’ll also both find yourselves growing together more as you spend time in the Word together.
Be ready to forgive and not make every offense a big deal. Be ready to apologize. Ephesians 4:32 is big here. Remember patience – the same patience you want folks to use when dealing with you and your shortcomings, failings, etc…. extend that to your mate. The doctrine of total depravity reminds us that all humans are fallen beings, all corrupted by sin and even when we come to Christ in faith, we are still dealing with the lingering effects of the flesh for the remainder of our lives. The same grace and mercy that Christ showed us, let us be quick to show it to our mate.
All this in two years. 🙂 May the Lord give my wife and I 80-90 more (of course, we’ll be old as dirt by then…if not dirt).
I’m out for now. Off to spend the rest of the day with my wife. 🙂
Good insight, Kerry. My mom always told me: Love is blind, but marriage is an eye-opener! LOL!
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